RGM Psychotherapy Resources

Men and Psychotherapy

If you are a man reading this webpage, you may be taking the first step toward making the most difficult decision in your life...asking for help.

It is no secret, most men have a problem admitting they have a problem. At least a problem that exists within themselves.

The reason for this is simple: Fear.

Men are afraid of feeling like a loser. Men fear feeling small or insignificant. They hate not being right, and they deplore making mistakes. But what men do because of this fear is often worse than the fear itself. Men will cast that fear onto subordinates at work, onto wives at home, and onto their children when they fail to reflect the kind of success they need to see in them.

How do most men show that fear? They get angry and try to take control. They get angry because it is not okay to feel small, inadequate, shameful, or defeated. But somehow it is okay to be angry (people will feel big when they are angry). And with that anger they cause those around them to feel small, inadequate, shameful and defeated.

In 1970 the Moody Blues released an album entitled A Question of Balance. Toward the end of that album there was a poem recited by Graeme Edge. Part of that poem reflects what goes on within many men.

The Balance

And he thought of those he angered

For he was not a violent man

And he thought of those he hurt

For he was not a cruel man

And he thought of those he frightened

For he was not an evil man

And he understood...

He understood himself

Upon this he saw

That when he was of anger

Or knew hurt

Or felt fear

It was because he was not understanding

This stuff is for women you say; maybe a little too "weird" for you; but think about it. How many times have you lost your temper and felt badly afterward? How many times have you done things to others and honestly not known why? How many times have you wished you could have handled things differently? How many times have you said "I didn't mean it?" More than you would have liked? Maybe it's time to get help.

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